Relations are Brittle

 Relations, an integral part of humans. Relations are everchanging and ever sweethearts in our lives. Maybe we don’t know but our lives revolve and evolve around them.  Relations are fragile which basically balances itself on a thin string. If we peep into the history all the major turn points are based on the fact “saving relations.”

Why is it so important for us to save the relations? Why do we protect relations more than our self-esteem? Why does it matter to have anyone with us? Does being alone hurt that much?

Probably we will never be able to answer any of these questions unless we experience being alone or experience any moment where we have to choose between oneself and relations. I guess our hearts will always crave in the evening for the song “किसका रस्ता देखे, ऐ दिल, ऐ सौदाई?”

Today’s blog is about Mr. and Mrs. Desai, sweet, peace-loving couple. Mr. Desai would go to his job every day and Mrs. Desai would complete the homely matters. No expectations, no grief, no complaints and no sorrows existed between them. Both of them did their duties properly and thus fights were out of questions. Evening tea would be filled with newspapers, songs and mother sharing new therapies to conceive to her daughter in law, blissful, isn’t it?  After 2 years of married life daughter in law had already become the culprit and victim at the same time for childlessness. Apart from being the perfect home maker, she had to visit the temple everyday as her mother-in-law had taken “Badha” for blessing her with a child. Afternoons were full of bhajan’s to wave of any sins committed by her. Late evening was of full of “Jal Arpan” to the Shivji for granting her the boon of motherhood. Hmmmmm, she would follow everything like a small child hoping to have a gift after results.

One fine evening, mother-in-law asked her son to visit a near by doctor to get his wife tested, to check if there was some problem with her. They got her tested, her hormonal levels were little up & down and her USG Scan showed lower levels of AFC (Antral Follicle Count – which basically suggests the number of follicles in the ovary). The doctor advised the Mr. Desai to take up semen analysis just to be sure. He got a little offended. May be his “EGO’ was hurt and he shouted at the doctor “How dare to question my maleness? There is nothing wrong with me or the way we have our physical relations.” (Firstly, let’s make the concept clear that despite of being the best performer at physical intimacy does not give a certificate of healthy sperms.) Doctor was startled and asked him to leave immediately. Doctor explained Mrs. Desai the condition of abnormal hormonal levels and lower AFC Count. She broke into tears. The thought that “every one was right, about her fertility” took permanent place in her head.

Have you heard the story of that Solomon Islands? The culture in Solomon Islands is that, if they want to clear the forest or any garden area for development, the tribe would simply gather around the tree and start cursing it, slowly it will start to die. That is the power of words.  

She went home alone, as her husband carried his ego on the back side of his bike. Unfortunately, there was no space for her neither her love nor her soulful duties that she did from the day of their wedding. She reached home and the only solace she could find was to committee suicide. She knew that she was needed only to innate a child and continue the lineage of the family. If she cannot suffice this, her place in that house would be a burden and her parents will have to face nightmares from the society. She was sitting on the bed when her husband came in the room. A calm room with neatly spread blue kutchi work bedsheet and evening sun peaking rays from the window, and her hand painted curtains trying to comfort her, she saw her husband with hopeful eyes. He said “I want a divorce.!” Her world shattered. Her trust on everything vanished with a blink of an eye. He said “you lied, you lied to us that you are perfectly healthy. You never disclosed that you won’t be able to get pregnant, you and your parents are liars.” She tried to explain him that she never knew anything about the condition. She cried till her eyes were swollen and asked for forgiveness till the time her mouth dried. Nothing changed. He left her crying on the floor. She was so taken a back with the change in behaviour of her husband and her mother-in-law too. She sat on the floor for the rest of the evening. Only thought that could run in her heart was to run away and committee suicide. She could not find a single reason to stay alive. Before taking this step, she thought of talking to her parents for the one last time. 

Women are engineered in such a way that they have eternal patience and tolerance power. They are being taught “not to complaint about in-laws or not to call much from in-laws place.” She thought of taking a walk to the nearest STD booth to call her mother. She started walking in the dark with ‘pallu’ over her head, so that no one can identify her. She dialled her mother, but her father picked up the call. “Hello! Who is this?” She stood silent. Women cannot easily share with their fathers specially on topic something like this. She felt helpless and started crying. Her father kept on asking her about all the possible reasons, “Do they not give you food?, Do they beat you?, Are you not happy?, what is wrong? Why are you crying so much?” She could not utter a word. Her father could not do much, and he simply told her one thing, “what ever problem you have, You are worthy enough to solve it, If it is important and necessary for you than God will find a way for your problem, Jay Shree Krishna.” She kept the phone, and returned back to her place. Somehow that one line stuck in her brain and she thought of visiting the doctor again next day.

She met the doctor and asked him about the solutions, and if there are any means of conceiving. The doctor gave her the address of Dr. Patel and sent her to Ahmedabad. She dared not mention anything to her husband. She came alone to visit Dr. Patel, and explained her everything. Dr. Patel examining the reports asked if the husband can come in for his reports too. Mrs. Desai shook her head and told that first I would like to know if there are any chances of conception and if she could ever become a mother. Dr. Patel affirmed her that there are ways, technique IVF (In Vitro Fertilization) through which she can conceive and have her own child. Hearing this she started crying, she was over joyous to hear that she can become a mother. She went home and told her husband about her visit to Dr. Patel’s hospital and how this treatment works, and how they can become parents. Hearing this Mr. Desai uttered “Who is going to pay? I am not going to pay for any of your treatment. If you can get the money, you can pay and I will be there if anything else you need apart from the money. If this does not succeed, then I am filing for the divorce.” He told this showing Mrs. Desai already signed divorce papers. She stayed strong and agreed to his terms.

Mr. and Mrs. Desai went back to Dr. Patel and asked about the finances. Dr. Patel mentioned the budget, and she realized looking at Mrs. Desai’s face that she wanted to speak something to her. Dr. Patel asked Mr. Desai to wait outside till she could speak to Mrs. Desai privately. Mrs. Desai showed Dr. Patel the divorce papers and told her the entire story. Dr. Patel was heartbroken. She told Mrs. Desai that 60% of the treatment cost will be taken care by her trust (Krishna Charitable Trust) and from the rest 40% she will give 50% discount, which leads to only 20% of the payment. Mrs. Desai was very happy but yet this 20% of the payment had to be arranged somehow, she knew her husband would not help her in any ways. She started doing sewing dresses and collected money for her own treatment. On the day of egg collection, Mr. Desai came and gave his sperms for the lab processes to be done. He did not even ask if his wife was okay or not. Seeing this Dr. Patel asked that why do you want to take this treatment and have his child? She said, relations are very fragile, they need to be pampered and kept safe. It is easy for me to just walk away and break this relation, but how good is it? Lord Krishna has taught one thing, never give up. I am doing my duty rest Lord Krishna can decide my fate.”

IVF process was a success and she conceived in the first trial itself. She could not believe; she was overwhelmed with joy. After hearing her pregnancy news her mother-in-law changed and suddenly started taking good care of her. Evenings with tea, news papers and now teachings about having a healthy child returned. Mrs. Desai smiled looking at the change in the everyone. She thought to herself that how relations are ever changing. 

रिश्ते में कुछ तो बात है तो सब के समझ में बहार है,

आज शाम दोस्त है तो कल शाम शत्रु बनेगा

आज शाम प्यार है तो कल शाम धोखा हो जायेगा,

क्या इतने नाज़ुक हैं रिश्ते?

रिश्ते में कुछ मिला तो अपना और ना मिला तो पराया?

समझते हैं के, परिवार बनाना जरूरी है,

पर वो परिवार किस काम का जो पल भर में रिश्ते तोड़ दे।

क्यों इतने नाज़ुक होते हैं रिश्ते?

सात फेरों से सात जन्म बंधे,

और सातवीं अँधेरी रात को ही वादा टूट गया?

क्या इतने नाज़ुक हैं रिश्ते?

 

 

 

- Signing off from the diaries of Vani IVF Centre