Breaking the Silence

 

   Breaking the Silence

Silence, a word that initiates a trigger in our mind. It does not make sound but has the power to surrender oneself. Silence may give us a comfortable space to live or sometimes it just gives numbness. Silence may show the powerful side of one or may depict depression of another. It may show a sign of adjustment or an adjustment with a grief of compromise on self-respect. They say silence is the symbol of strength, does this count even when silence suffocates a relation?

This blog has been started to share the stories of infertility warriors. Infertility warriors, word is used very casually now but no one understands the pain, agony, disappointments behind sufferings. Couple becomes an infertility warrior when they fight against the society and their internal insecurities just to simply enjoy the joy of parenthood. Parenthood is a blessing which only us humans, homo sapiens have been given. Somehow if we think we all live to reproduce. Reproduce in whatever sense we can, in terms of family, money or even knowledge. Reproduction has been a basic instinct of human race. If we narrow our audience from human race and categorize it to Indian population, let us face the fact that families here after the honeymoon would start discussing the name of the first-born child. Yes, we shall all agree that we have this inner urge for seeing our younger versions (speaking in Scientific language – our DNA’s) to grow, dance and live just like us. Speaking of the urge to reproduce and give “vanshaj” to the family has never left the minds of women and shall never leave, not now not ever.

One such couple came to us, standing tall with ego of google words, hope in the eyes and little heart beating fast consoling the ear to hear the doctor say “Yes, it is possible.” Google knowledge is helpful till the time to step in the hospital and to solve the basic inquisitiveness, but does it really match the education of the doctors studying for 17 years? That couple stood strong in front of the doctor and starting putting up the files on the counter endlessly showing despair. There is always a counsellor in our centre, and we all could see their anger with life but we could also feel the pain with each paper they opened to share the reports. It felt like a child showing a broken toy, just that here the couple was show-casing their broken hopes. Dr. Patel went through all the reports and just before she could inform the diagnosis, husband Mr. Shah broke the silence and spoke that he has Azoospermia. (Azoospermia is a condition where in the sperms are not found in the semen. This condition does not have much of the symptoms hence it goes unnoticed for a very long period of time. Azoospermia has basically two categories – Obstructive azoospermia and non- obstructive azoospermia. Either of the conditions can be found out by some Testicular examinations and even via blood investigations.) Dr. Patel nodded the head. Mr. Shah informed the doctor that they already knew the condition and they knew it from past 7 years. 10 years of married life and 7 years of dreadful years knowing the condition and meaning of Azoospermia, yet the couple continued trying at home with “babaji’s Dua.” Why??

Why is it so that we resist to believe that the natural doors are closed and we will have to make a bridge to ease the process in the cases of disaster? Why is it so that we always wish that Lord Krishna comes with Govardhan Parvat walking to protect us? Can’t we just walk towards our solutions? The solution for this couple was simple, all they had to do was walk with courage to the clinic and start the treatment – ART. ART is not as the audience perceives “Test tube Baby where an embryo grows in a test tube or as the myth persists that an embryo of someone else’s gametes magically appears in test tube. ART is Assisted Reproduction Technology which merely helps or rather assists the couple in achieving pregnancy and secondly the embryo culture is not in the test tube (which was due to the story attached during the discovery of this technology years back).

Dr. Patel understanding that the couple knew everything, she simply asked “What do you wish to do now? Do you want to wait for some years?” Mrs. Shah finally uttered, “I want a child, I want my child, but I want the child to have….” Looking at Mr. Shah with tear filled eyes continued “I want to have my child to have his hair, his eyes, his smile and his everything. Is it possible?” All these years of anguish finally flowed in form of tears. Dr. Patel counselled Mrs. Shah explaining that science is beautiful and now there are ways where we can use procedure known as TESA (Testicular Sperm Aspiration). TESA has a success rate of about 80-85% which highly depends on the age too. Dr. Patel concluded that “Yes! Yes of course you can have your own child, with your beautiful genes.” The couple sighed with relief. Sometimes all we look for his hope. After completing the formalities of signing the consent form which is a part in all ART Level II registered Clinics (So, it becomes important to check if your ART clinic is registered under ART Act) and having a detailed counselling session about IVF- TESA process, the couple returned to Dr. Patel’s room. The couple when stepped initially in the consulting room, their eyes were filled with hurt, ego and questions, and now their eyes have softened and more accepting towards Dr. Patel and towards the staff. Dr. Patel was relieved to see them comfortable. It is not always the patients that they have to suffer, the doctors work equally to earn patient’s trust and faith. Dr. Patel although had one question for Mr. and Mrs. Shah. She asked them “If you knew about your condition for 7 years then why did you wait for so long to visit an ART Clinic?”

Mr. Shah instantly replied “Who shall break the silence? Is it easy to tell your parents that you have the problem being a male and that you are the reason of not being able to conceive naturally? It was easy for me and my wife to understand the situation as we both know that technology will have the answer but it was difficult for us to break the silence with our parents. We don’t know why!! But at that time, it just felt that may be some magical wand will take away all the sorrows and pain. Maybe we were ready even to the stage of being alone, but we still don’t know that why there was so much resistant in visiting the hospital”. To which Mrs. Shah continued that “you know how society works, all poojas and vidhi’s were always uterus centric. No one even bothered to understand the basic biology, that it might be the other 50% at fault too.  We were finally motivated to break the silence on his 39^th birthday. We went out for dinner and saw a family trying to click some cliché pictures of ladies of their family from generations together with hat and hands woven together, and all men standing in one line holding their bags. Little champ the latest generation somewhere 4 years around was clicking a picture of them. I was sooooo sure at that time, I wanted this, I wanted to have cliché pictures with my little ones and post cringy captions, I wanted to see my husband struggling to change the diaper of the little one and so on... I wanted it all. I first broke the silence to my husband that I wanted a child, of course his, but I wanted one. It was such a relief after uncomfortable silence, we finally had the courage to enjoy comfortable conversations. As a team we decided that it was our decision to have a child or not society’s. That’s it. Breaking the silence was only important for both of us, to face the reality that we are humans just like any other human being on earth. The urge to Reproduce and have our little DNA’s bloom with grace finally won, I guess” Dr. Patel, with a big smile said “Let’s start then, the most beautiful journey towards parenthood.”

“We are so brittle, our hearts are so little,

We write love and express war,

We enjoy sorrows and yet search for joys.

We advise courage and yet live in fear.

We want to have humanly joys, yet act to have a Godly life.

We write up an hour-long speech in the shower & play dumb in person.

We marry for love, yet love only the opinions of ‘thy neighbour’

          Let’s pledge that we shall limit the opinions of others to the cake options and let our sweet little hearts decide the best for us.

          Breaking the silence…. Is actually breaking uncomforting silence to comfortable conversation leading to peace”

-         Signing off from the diaries of

Vani IVF Centre

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Website: www.vani-ivf.com